Women In Black

W.I.B.

As we women teachers get ready to leave the university at the end of the day, we all put on our abayas and head scarves, as dictated by the dress code. (The full face veil worn by my friend on the left is not required for us but it is worn by all of the students. Just so you know, she doesn't typically wear her niqab; she wanted a more dramatic photo!) Normally, I don't wear the head scarf when I'm out shopping or walking, but since it's university policy, I do wear it each morning for about 4 seconds as I walk from the taxi to the university gate, at which point I disappear behind portable wooden walls that are staggered so as to hide the women the instant they enter the building. There are a few men guards who sit outside the gate. At times, they have to pass a note to the inside. They then stand by the gate, and a (covered) woman collects the note to take into the secretive world within, a world the guards can never know.

Inside the university, the students and staff are actually required to NOT wear the abaya, interestingly enough. Here we are in our staff offices.

Let's look at some pros and cons of wearing the abaya.

The cons are fairly obvious:

1. It's hot.

2. It's baggy. I catch my sleeves on apple stems and start landslides of fruit in the stores. I also step on the bottom of it, especially on steps. Also, I have nearly died trying to get into a flying-car ride at the mall.

3. The snaps pop open when I scootch over in the taxi or squat down. A white knee poking out? Scandalous!

4. It doesn't leave much room for personality in one's dress. However, you can find abayas with embroidery.

But there are a few pros:

1. It protects my clothes from dust. Josh's pants get covered in dust, while my skirt stays pristine.

2. If we're going grocery shopping, I can wear shorts and a tank top underneath, or even pajamas, because no one will ever see. Western men are discouraged from wearing shorts, unless they're on the compound.

3. If I get cold, as I often do at work or in restaurants, I always have it with me to give me an extra layer.

4. I have the perfect costume if I ever want to dress up as Hermione Granger ... or as a Dementor.

Women in the Headlines

At times, life here feels so normal that it's slightly disappointing. You can order delivery from Pizza Hut, find Betty Crocker cake mixes and Hershey's chocolate chips, and buy Gap jeans. And then at other times, life is so completely bizarre that it feels surreal. The recent topic in the news about breastfeeding one's male co-workers definitely falls into the surreal category.

It takes a bit of background to understand why this issue came up. Saudi Arabia, as you know, interprets Islam very strictly in the sense of segregating the sexes. A woman can not interact with a man unless she is related to him. The exception to this, however, is if she has breastfed a male as an infant. This makes him a “breast-milk son” and the “son” is allowed to be with the “mother,” even when she is uncovered, throughout his life. Technically, Islamic Law calls for five fulfilling breast-milk meals before the child is two years old to clinch the privilege of considering him a relative.

Recently, a prominent Sheikh and adviser to the royal family, Sheikh Obeikan, issued a fatwa (a religious opinion concerning Islamic Law) that women who work with men should give them their breast-milk to establish maternal relations, thereby eliminating the chance of sexual relations. This idea was first advocated three years ago by a scholar at Al Azhar University in Egypt, who was then fired for his statement. He later retracted it and was rehired last year.

The debates going on now concern how to give the men the milk. Should they drink pumped breast-milk from a cup? Or should they suckle directly from the breast, as Sheikh Al Huwaini insists? You can't help but wonder about the logic of preventing sexual relations by having a man suck on a woman's nipples! I think Eman Al Nafjan, the author of Saudiwoman's Weblog, summed up the debate quite nicely:

“The whole issue just shows how clueless men are. All this back and forth between sheikhs and not one bothers to ask a woman if it is logical, let alone possible to breastfeed a grown man five fulfilling breastmilk meals. As I’m writing this, I’m cringing at just the thought of it. I’m a huge advocate of breastfeeding and I’ve exclusively breastfed my three kids for at least six months each. Plus I’ve also done the 'breastmilk sibling' thing for two nephews and a niece. Breastfeeding a baby is hard work and it takes a toll to be able to produce enough for a one year old, I can’t even imagine how much a thirty year old would need. … Moreover the thought of a huge hairy face at a woman’s breast does not evoke motherly or even brotherly feelings. It could go from the grotesque to the erotic but definitely not maternal!”

She also commented that for a society so concerned that women cover every inch of their bodies in shapeless black cloaks and keep everyone as much as possible in single-sex environments, the culture is remarkably obsessed with women. Quite true.

Though women are prohibited from doing many activities, from voting to driving to traveling alone, the government has been gradually increasing women's rights, always careful to keep with the people's Islamic traditions. In Saudi Arabia, it's the people, not the government, that hold so closely to their religion. The government has to walk the fine line of modernization and maintaining tradition. Something the government will not do is implement a drastic change that will cause widespread controversy, thereby subjecting themselves to the criticism of being un-Islamic.

The Arab News website recently featured a compilation of KSA's progress in women's rights. In 2008, Mecca's governor revised a labor law that prevented men and women from interacting in a work environment. Also in 2008, the Labor Ministry allowed women to make the choice to start or stop working, without having to defer to a male guardian. (That being said, most women would never go against the head of the family.) The Labor Ministry also reversed the ban on women staying in hotels alone. In February of 2009, King Abdullah appointed a woman to the position of deputy minister of education – that's the highest public office held by a woman in the KSA so far. In December of 2009, the first woman was appointed to the Chamber of Commerce and Industry in Jeddah, and since then, four more women have joined the CCI in the Kingdom.

Many topics, while not yet laws, are being debated – such as allowing women to travel abroad or to other Gulf countries alone and allowing women to participate in elections. Other topics are more controversial, such as women driving and women's sports centers, but they still come up in debates. It looks like women driving will not happen any time soon; however, since Saudi Arabia is trying to decrease its dependence on foreign labor, allowing women to drive themselves only makes sense. Most of the girls I have talked to do not desire to drive in Riyadh, but they would like the opportunity to drive if they lived abroad. Also, many girls told me they have been taught how to drive in the desert by their fathers. Perhaps the public is more accepting of the idea than they realize. Even if women had the right to drive, I'm sure very few women would take advantage of it, at least in the beginning. But all they need is a beginning.

Women's sports centers seems like a fairly innocuous subject – but here, it's not. Centers for women do exist, but they are very expensive, not for youth, and not widely accepted by either sex. In this society struggling with obesity, diabetes, fast food mania, and a sedentary lifestyle in unbearable desert heat, what could possibly challenge a push toward exercise for girls? Sadly, many things. Some feel that sports centers only encourage girls to leave home unnecessarily – to enter a place where they will dress inappropriately in work-out clothes, listen to music, and waste their time. One mother in the article was quoted as saying, “It is a waste of time and religiously unacceptable for a girl to leave home for anything apart from education or work. A woman’s place is the home. It is more important for her to look after her kids and husband. Don’t tell me obesity is increasing — working at home gives her all the energy she needs.”

This is very sad. Women are now encouraged to study – so why should care of the body be any less important? However, I'm sure there are many in favor of sports centers, just as there are many opposed. Even for myself, living in a compound with access to a gym and a swimming pool, I find Saudi Arabia a difficult country to exercise in. The heat, the abaya, the traffic, and the random sidewalks are all deterrents to going out for a walk or a bike ride. Boys can play soccer, but I have not seen anywhere where women can play sports. And since Saudi Arabia interprets music as too worldly, art forms such as dance are out. (I was puzzled by this. A student explained to me that she doesn't listen to music because she wants to hear the music in heaven. If she listens to music now, she says she won't be able to hear it at the end. However, the vast majority of students love music – Arabic music, western music, you name it. It's kind of odd shopping in a mall where the only burst of music comes from the occasional ring-tones of cell phones!) From talking with my students, I get the general feeling that they would love having access to a gym at the university (after all, the boys' campus has one). At the same time, though, they are mostly content with their current role in society – they have told me on more than one occasion that “women are diamonds” in Saudi Arabia.

If you would like further information, I encourage you to read any of the following articles. I found them extremely interesting.

What's front page news in Saudi Arabia?
http://saudiwoman.wordpress.com/2010/05/25/whats-front-page-news-in-saudi-arabia/

Women's rights gain focus in the Kingdom
http://arabnews.com/saudiarabia/top_20_supplement/article66269.ece

Saudi clerics advocate adult breast-feeding
http://www.aolnews.com/world/article/saudi-clerics-advocate-adult-breast-feeding/19504280

Will the Kingdom ever have sports centers for women?
http://arabnews.com/saudiarabia/article63941.ece

Women will not drive cars in Saudi Arabia
http://www.aawsat.com/english/news.asp?section=2&id=21106

Two Worlds

While shopping for pool toys for Misha, we immediately noticed that the boxes featuring happy families swimming together were scribbled with black where any woman in a bathing suit once appeared. The men and children still smiled from the box, but the women had been painstakingly marked out with permanent marker, hiding any skin and sometimes the face and hair as well.

In stark contrast to this conservative tradition is the very strange phenomenon that all one has to do is turn on the TV or log on to the Internet to see plenty of women in short sleeves or less. Every family gets Cable, which brings Desperate Housewives, Friends, and MTV right into their living rooms. The Internet is monitored to an extent (Sports Illustrated, human rights sites, and adult sites are censored, for example) but for the most part, you can find anything online.

Saudi Arabia is both more strict and less strict than I imagined it would be, and both at the same time. As teachers, we are extremely limited in what we are allowed to discuss with our students. Anything related to music, Western movies, dating or relationships, or non-Muslim holidays is completely off-limits. The textbooks we use often feature these topics, which must be carefully edited or skipped entirely. One book dedicated its entire first chapter to discussing different kinds of music - presumably a fairly safe topic to begin an ESL book with - but of course, the whole chapter had to be skipped! Since music is such a wonderful tool for learning language, it is unfortunate that we are not allowed to use it.

The odd thing is that the students are perfectly aware of all the popular Western music, movies, and TV shows, which are filled with all things decadent about dating, love, and romance. It seems that the country has gone to great lengths to shield their culture from outside influences - but in vain.

However, the one thing that they have going for them is that, for the most part, the people believe in their customs. My students asked me what I thought of the abaya - "It is comfortable, yes?" they asked eagerly, hoping I would agree. I said it wasn't bad, but it was a little bit hot. At this they laughed and said it wasn't hot yet! I asked if they liked going to school with only girls, and they said yes, definitely - it was more comfortable because they could uncover and relax. In public, though, they couldn't imagine not covering. One girl explained to me that they cover because "women are expensive [meaning "precious"] and not for strangers to see." They think it's better that in a mixed environment the women are covered, so that the men's eyes don't wander and marriages don't break up. What I see as a lack of trust, they see as a safeguard.

My students are also firm believers in their system of arranged marriages. When I broached the subject, they were extremely eager to tell me all about it. The mother and sisters of the man who wants to get married are responsible for finding a suitable wife for him. The choice is not made lightly - they carefully consider what the man is looking for and what kind of woman will suit him. The man and his family then meet the woman and her family briefly, giving her a chance to accept or decline. The girls love to talk about weddings! The weddings here are segregated - the women dance and party by themselves (in stunning outfits, of course), and the men talk and socialize by themselves. Quite a different type of event than the weddings I am used to. As always, the girls asked me eagerly what I thought of the Saudi marriage system. I responded neutrally, saying that I like the freedom of our way; however, Americans have many problems with divorce. In some ways, the Saudi culture puts a more serious and committed effort into the process. They whole-heartedly agreed. They asked me if I wanted to attend a Saudi wedding while I'm here. Of course I said I would like to, and several of them said they have siblings who will marry soon, so maybe they can invite me.

I find it a bit disappointing that I cannot share any photos of my Saudi co-workers at the university. Last week, I got to know some of them a bit better because the students were on spring break and we had a low-key work week. On Wednesday, the last day of the week, I brought Misha and Sebastian with me to work and everyone absolutely adored them. Misha insisted on wearing his suit for the occasion of coming to my work, which made everyone coo over him, and Sebastian just makes everyone melt. All the ladies wanted to hold Sebastian and dig out lots of toys for the kids to play with. One other woman also had her 14-month old son at work, so Sebastian had a little buddy. I tentatively asked about taking pictures of the women with the kids, but they were quite hesitant and said only if they covered. (Which kind of defeats the purpose of taking their pictures.) So I had to content myself with taking photos of the children only. So, voila!

Misha all dressed up, ready for work!


Checking out the nice spinning chairs in the resource room.


Sebastian and his new friend, little Abdul Aziz. They call him "Azuzi" for short.



Doing some "work" at the office.


Playing with some toys that working mothers pulled out of nowhere.


One lady took Misha to her office and let him sit at her desk. He loved that!

The World of Women

We have jobs! Due to some recent turnover in the system, King Saud University decided to employ us after all, meaning we have the jobs that we originally expected to have. Things seem to flip flop from day to day, so we've learned that it's best to try not to get stressed out about things, as they seem to change quickly or resolve themselves in some way. This is easier said than done, of course, but it helps that the people around us – hotel staff, university staff and co-workers – really do want to help us have a good experience.


Misha's preschool. They learn reading, math, and some Arabic and French. The numbers one through four are written on the board in Arabic, from right to left.


Day care has been the biggest challenge. We found a great little preschool for Misha, run by a British Muslim woman from her villa where she lives with her Saudi husband and children. Sebastian has been going there too, but we are looking for a cheaper option for him. It has been nice knowing that the boys are safe and enjoying their time at school while we are at work. The other headache is transportation. Josh works on the men's campus in the north of Riyadh, while I work on the women's campus a good 30 minutes away by taxi. Luckily, the preschool is not far from Josh's campus, but it has taken some organization to get everyone where they need to go. Right now, Josh rides with the provided driver for the school to drop off the kids and get to campus, while I have been sharing a taxi with two other women teachers in the hotel. We are in the process of trying to line up day care for Wednesdays, as the preschool is only four days a week. I ended up not going to work this Wednesday because of this problem. Luckily, my direct supervisor is very understanding and a mother of eight.


Working has thrown us into different worlds – for me, the world of all women; for Josh, the world of men with no trace of women anywhere. Last night, when we went to the mall and were surrounded by both men and women again, Josh commented that he had almost forgotten that women existed. It was odd for me as well, because I was used to seeing them as "regular" people in "regular" clothes, not covered in black where I wouldn't even be able recognize one if she was my own student.


Women are completely covered until entering the gates of the campus. Once inside, the campus is a lively place of women in their comfort zone, wearing their bright clothes, letting their hair flow free, showing their faces, even driving - yes, driving! - golf-cart-like mobiles around campus. The abayas and headscarves and removed, revealing the real women of Saudi Arabia. They look like typical high schools girls with beautiful dark eyes and hair wearing a variety of very Western-style clothes. They all wear the obligatory long, dark skirt, with a top that allows for more personality, from American-casual to far dressier styles. They walk around with their nice purses, backpacks, and cell phones, giggling with their friends and talking nonstop in Arabic. It's quite refreshing to hear so much Arabic, since our contact has been mainly with store employees and taxi drivers from India, Egypt, Pakistan, Bangladesh, etc., who can more-or-less communicate in the universal language of English.


Our job is actually within the Preparatory Year of KSU's massive English program, geared to 18-and 19-year-old high school graduates who need to improve their ESL test scores to enter the university next year. The program, less than two years old, is plagued with too many decision-makers and all kinds of problems, so new rules come down from the top constantly. Josh said that already this month he has seen the attendance policy changed four times. The chaotic nature of the job and the lack of motivation on the part of the students make this job challenging at times, but hopefully we will learn to go with the flow.


Most of this week, I have been simply observing other classes, looking at resources, and talking to other teachers to get a feel for the job. I was excited to have the opportunity to fill in for a teacher for one class, a higher-level writing class of about 20 girls. Perhaps because of my attitude of wanting to get to know the girls and being curious about their studies and city, the girls responded to me very well, eager to talk to me and ask me questions about what I thought of Saudi Arabia. The lesson plan I was left with was writing about future goals, so through this project, I got to see what these girls aspired to. The answers? Getting high grades in university; getting a master's degree; becoming famous businesswomen, inventors, and programmers; memorizing the Holy Koran; learning English; and traveling the world to see other cultures. One supervisor told me to encourage their goals, because the topic is often a depressing one for these girls. Their chances of fulfilling their lofty goals are unfortunately not very great in their culture.


It is obvious from talking to everyone that most classes are far less motivated. Saudi students do not pay for their education; in fact, they receive a stipend to attend classes. Everything is very student-centered, to the extent that the school caters to their every whim. Though we are teaching university-aged students, it will be more like dealing with middle schoolers – trying to hold their attention and keep them from chatting with their friends the whole time or texting on their phones. It looks like it will be a challenge! On the upside, everyone also says that the students are very friendly.

The women's campus. It's striclty taboo to take pictures of students inside, so this is all I can give you!

The women's campus is the oldest branch of KSU. As one Saudi staff member explained to me, "When the men have damaged everything, they give it to us. It's the oldest university; it's 50 years old." Despite its age, it is a beautiful campus. Some other teachers and I like to buy our lunch and take it outside to eat on little tables under a shaded roof, surrounded by palm trees and exotic, aggressive birds with raucus calls. Looking out at the perfect palm trees makes me wonder for a second where I am. A desert island? No, Saudi Arabia!


Even though we are among women only inside the walls of the campus, a strict dress-code is still enforced. Teachers (and students as well) must wear skirts to the floor and shirts with sleeves to the elbow. When leaving, our abaya must cover our clothes to ankles and the head scarf must hide every trace of hair. Different schools set their own dress codes, and I hear that many schools require the face to be covered as well. I'm glad I don't have to do that.


Everything about teaching is still very new to us, so we will keep you updated as we get into the swing of things.

From Snow to Sand

Minutes before my family of four piled into the taxi to drive to the airport, my mom came up from the basement holding a long, black graduation gown. "Take this for the airport!" she said. In that second, I saw the graduation gown as something I had never considered before – it was the perfect abaya! When the abaya I ordered online failed to arrive in time for our trip, I was resigned to showing up without proper attire. But my mom had solved the problem with a good ole high school and university tradition.


What is an abaya, you ask? It is the obligatory black cloak that women wear in Saudi Arabia. Even foreigners must wear it whenever in public in a mixed-gender environment. As the keeper of the holy sites of Islam - Mecca and Medina - Saudi Arabia follows one of the most conservative interpretations of the religion. While in most Muslim countries, wearing the abaya is a choice, in Saudi Arabia it is required and it must be black. I needed one because Josh and I accepted offers to teach English to incoming students at King Saud University in Riyadh about two months ago, and since then life has been a whirlwind of compiling needed documents, applying for visas, packing, and researching everything we could about Saudi Arabia.



Why Saudi Arabia?

We applied to numerous ESL jobs in many countries; we sent applications to the KSA (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia – they often refer to it simply as "the Kingdom") just to feel it out but not expecting anything. When we received a response, we jumped at the chance to go to a country that is not easy for foreigners to enter. Regular tourist visas to visit the Kingdom don't exist. What we wanted was a new country, a new language, and a new culture. KSA gives us all of that plus a drastically different way of life and an inside look at an area filled with misconceptioins and stereotypes on both sides. More than being nervous or worried, we were filled with a great curiosity about life there. We are also very excited to dig into learning Arabic, and heartened at the prospect of paying off student loans in the process.

The Flight



Our flight was a harrowing 30-hour ordeal from Minneapolis to Chicago to Frankfurt to Riyadh. Misha did wonderfully well on the planes – he could barely contain his excitement looking out the window at take-off and informing me that those little moving things below were cars, he watched movies, he played with his toys, and he even slept the entire ride over the ocean. Sebastian didn't fare so well. He caught a cold and was miserable most of the way. You know how sometimes after a long ride, people will comment afterward that your baby did so well considering the length of the flight? Nobody said that this time.

Arriving

As we have learned throughout the visa process, Saudi Arabian business looks very professional on the outside, but in truth it is fraught with miscommunication and inefficiency. So we were a tiny bit nervous that they would forget to pick us up at the airport. We were also concerned that we may have inadvertently brought something into the country that we weren't supposed to. We have read about a multitude of things being taken away from incoming passengers, from stuffed toys and statues to Bibles and Christmas decorations and religious or polical books. Other banned items include alchohol, drugs, pornography (which is very loosely defined, including lingerie ads) and all pork products.


We needn't have worried. We walked into the airport and descended the escalator to see a huge, spouting fountain flanked by little gardens, smaller bubbling fountains, and cascading waterfalls. The lines of foreigners at customs was disheartening, but then we were whisked to the family line and swept right along. They didn't give our bags a second glance – they simply ran them through the routine x-ray with much less diligence than the Minneapolis airport and sent us on our way. We easily found a Nepali driver waiting for us, holding a sign with our names on it. He loaded up our bags and delivered us to a hotel, where we are staying until they can find us an apartment.

Sebastian helps me unpack.

We arrived in Riyadh about 9 p.m. Tuesday night, completely exhausted. When we stepped out of the airport doors, we reveled in the comfortable night air and the slight breeze. A large white mosque shone in the distance. Saudi men wearing white thobes and checked head cloths smiled at the kids. Misha noticed immediately the Saudi attire, as we have been reading lots of library books about the area lately. He knows all about the geography, animal life, and clothes. He's also anticipating learning Arabic, and before we went he told me he wasn't ready because he didn't know the language yet. "I don't even know how to say mommy and daddy in Arabic!" he said with concern, but I assured him we would learn when we got there.


Since the only people in the customs line were foreigners like ourselves, I didn't bother putting on my makeshift abaya. I was wearing only my western clothes (none too revealing, don't worry – just my typical airport attire of a sweatshirt and jeans!) and I didn't receive any negative attention.

Done with airports and relaxing in the hotel!

Our driver, who works for the company that hires English teachers, and the hotel staff made us as comfortable as possible – they gave us a cash advance on our first month's salary, supplied us with Sim cards (prepaid minutes) for our cell phones, stocked our fridge with milk, chocolate milk, water, and two Near Beers (most amusing) and even brought us a stack of menus from nearby restaurants and brought back whatever food we desired. The warm welcome was a great end to a very long day of travel.



Our hotel is a suite of sorts. It has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen with a small stove and fridge, and a living room. Misha moved right into his room and set up his toys.

By the palms in front of the hotel.


The Call to Prayer

Extreme jet-lag prevented us from sleeping, and I was still awake trying to rock Sebastian back to sleep at 5 a.m. when I heard my first Call to Prayer in Saudi Arabia. The sound is hauntingly beautiful, though detracting from its religious feel is the poor quality of the speakers and the mishmash of various mosques broadcasting off-sync from one another. And like most foreigners, we would probably find it more beautiful at 7 a.m. Instead of 5 a.m! The sound is quite loud, although from talking with other teachers here, the Call to Prayer is far less defeaning at this location than other hotels closer to mosques. Muslims pray five times a day, so the Call to Prayer is something we will hear quite a bit. Prayer time lasts about 20-30 minutes each time, and businesses shut down for the duration.

The evening Call to Prayer, and the view out of our hotel window:



The Saudi Way?

The next morning was a bit of a shock to our system, when our driver called saying he was to take us to the school at 8 a.m. Josh went to meet the director while I stayed with the kids. Josh's conversation with the director was disappointing and comical at the same time – it turns out that the company that hires the English teachers had been hiring teachers despite the fact that the university had no more positions open! But not to worry, we already have contracts and we are already getting paid – it is just a matter of assigning us to a different post. As Josh says, we are on a paid vacation until they figure out where to employ us. I was really looking forward to teaching women at the university, so I hope things will still work out well. We find it extremely ironic that it is impossible to get a visa for Saudi Arabia without a JOB to sponsor us, but when we arrived, there was no job! Only in Saudi Arabia. From the sound of things, this sort of thing happens all the time.

The Mall

Wednesday night, after a groggy day of trying to rest, we finally worked up the energy to go out. I donned my graduation gown and we took Misha and Sebastian to the Granada Mall, which is only two blocks from our hotel. And what a mall!

You can see the different styles of dress of Saudi men, Saudi women, foreigners and children.

Palm trees, escalators, glass elevators, a food court, a mini amusement park, and stores galore. Fancy dress shops, gold shops, and popular European and American chains like Etam, Claire's, Payless, and Justice beckon the shoppers. The hallways are filled with Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, and Haagendaaz. The international variety is incredible. And despite what one would naturally assume, Saudi women love fashion. Underneath their abayas, Saudi women wear the latest designs from all over the world. I enjoyed sounding out Arabic names of stores. Most stores have signs in both English and Arabic.

Strikingly American, it seems out of place.

Misha loved the mall. And everyone loved the kids. Men and women, Saudis and foreigners - all loved to pinch Sebastian's cheeks and smile at Misha. The mall is the place for families: the Saudi father clad in white, the Saudi mother shrouded in black, and the kids in the most western-style outfits you can imagine. Wednesday night is the equivalent of our Friday night, since the weekend here is Thursday and Friday (Friday is the Islamic day of rest), and we discovered that the mall is open past midnight with families and children taking full advantage of it! They say the Saudis do two things for entertainment – eat and shop – and it looks like that is the case.

I really like this picture of Misha drinking his freshly-squeezed orange juice in the food court, with groups of Saudis behind him in the traditional thobes and checked head coverings.


Apparently the abaya is no deterrent to wanting to have nice clothes.

The Yummy Cookie. This made me laugh.

Yes, Claire's in Saudi Arabia.

Batmobile in the toy store! They have very Western toys here, anything you can think of. Leapfrog Tag books, Barbie dolls, Legos, talking ABC toys in English and Arabic, etc.

Toys, toys, toys.

Sebastian in Carrefour, the big superstore attached to the mall.


I bought an abaya and head scarf immediately, then went to the bathroom to put it on. I had no idea how to put on the head scarf (despite watching how-to videos on youtube), so when a woman commented that my scarf was beautiful, I asked her if she could show me how to wear it. She happily obliged, deftly wrapping it around my head and tucking it under my chin. Unfortunately, after a bit of walking around, it slipped off and I was unable to reassemble her handiwork, but in the end it turned out not to be a big deal.

Dress Code

There are several styles of dress that I observed in the mall. Most women are shrouded completely in black from head to toe, covering their hair and face as well. Some veils reveal only the eyes, while others show not even that much – the women simply look out through a sheer gauzy black material that prevents others from seeing in. As with everything we have seen so far, Saudi Arabia is unexpectedly normal in some areas and outright bizarre in other areas. It is hard to get used to seeing all the women as such stark black figures. The contrast between tradition and modernity is everywhere. As a classic example, I saw more than one completely-veiled woman holding her cell phone close to her face to read the screen. But not all women cover their faces – it is not required, but simply the norm. There are also some women who wear only the abaya but do not cover their hair, especially foreigners. I walked around without my scarf and had no problems. I suspect though that there may be times when I will want to wear it, so I keep it with me. And actually, last night, I managed to wrap my scarf myself so that it looked pretty good!

In my abaya (cloak) and hijab (head scarf). Many women have beautifully embroidered abayas and scarves.

The women don't look encumbered like I expected them too – instead they look graceful, gliding along in their smooth drapes of black. I myself feel a little bit graceful when wearing it – that is, until I step on the bottom of it, pop a snap open while bending to pick up Sebastian, or catch my sleeves on door knobs, stroller handles, and even Sebastian's feet. And then there's the problem of getting the sleeves wet when washing my hands. To say nothing of changing a dirty diaper with sleeves that hang to my bellybutton! Luckily the mall is air conditioned, but nevertheless, the abaya is warm. Walking in the sun is awful – and it's only March! Highs now are about 90 degrees F, with lows in the 60s. It's nice that it cools off in the evenings.



The Saudi men wear floor-length white robes called thobes, with a checkered or plain white head covering called a gutra. This traditional outfit sets them apart from all the non-Saudis. The KSA is filled with foreigners – one stat I read said one in five people is non-Saudi. In fact, most of our contact with people is with store employees from India, Pakistan, Nepal, Egypt, etc. Since they have the money, Saudis have no desire to do manual labor or jobs like teaching and nursing, so they import all their labor. Just what the Saudis themselves do, I'm not quite sure. Foreigners tend to dress in nice clothes, suits and ties or at least a button-down shirt.

Gender Issues

I felt a little silly taking pictures of the bathroom signs, but in the end, I figured it was worth it. It's interesting because both the male and the female image have the heads covered and they don't appear as distinct, especially from afar, as our typical American signs of a man in pants and a woman in a dress.



Everything in KSA is segregated by gender. In restaurants, there is a section for single men and a section for families or women only. Even to pay for food at the food court in the mall, there were two lines to order (which I didn't notice at first!). Mingling of single men and women is strictly prohibited. A man can not meet with another woman unless he is related to her, and vice versa. Single men can't even enter the mall on weekends. That being said, married couples and families have the easiest time in Saudi Arabia. As a couple, Josh and I can go places together and attend anything for families. Saudis are an extremely family-oriented people. Having two children this time around has obviously made the transition to a new country challenging in many ways, but in other ways, having Misha and Sebastian gives us a real "in" to the culture. Since there are no bars, clubs, or cinemas in the Kingdom, most of the entertainment centers on doing family activities. There is ice skating, amusement parks, the zoo, bowling, etc. It is easy to tell that everyone here cherishes children. I watched with a smile as a Saudi father went on a spinning ride with several of his young children. Each spinning pod that went by was filled with another father and more children. I even saw some women on the rides, so I plan to take a turn myself. Josh took Misha for a few rides yesterday, and Misha loved every second of it!

It is somewhat awkward not knowing what I should or should not do here. Whenever I leave my hotel room, I have to put on the abaya. It's not a huge inconvenience, but it is a deterrent from running out to the front desk to buy a chocolate milk for Misha. Perhaps I shouldn't smile or talk to the hotel staff, but then again, they are not Saudi nationals. They were not brought up in the Saudi tradition of keeping any contact with females to a bare minimum. Josh and I both have had to work hard at not looking members of the opposite sex in the eye – this is hard to do because Americans are trained to do exactly that. And we also have to remember not to show any affection in public, not even holding hands. Women face other restrictions as well. For example, they can not play sports, ride bikes, or drive. Judging by the way Saudis drive, I may not miss that privilege too much. Everyone confirms vehemently that the Saudis are crazy drivers – even the Indians say so! Our first night in our hotel room was punctuated every few minutes with squealing tires loud enough to rival a movie sound effect as drivers took the curve at breakneck speed, and it has continued since, although I have stopped noticing it so much now. Come to think of it, driving in Saudi Arabia may be dramatically improved if women were allowed to drive. :)

Islam

Islam is very pervasive in daily life. Prayer times dictate schedules, as we noticed while shopping in the mall. When it's prayer time, all the stores in the mall finish serving customers and shut their gates until prayer is over. The exception is the large Carrefour (like a Wal-Mart), which does not shut down, but customers can not buy items during prayer time. We have an iPod app telling us the daily prayer schedule so we can know when things will shut down. (Shopping in Saudi Arabia and not sure when prayer will start? There's an app for that!) The odd thing is that despite all the time dedicated to prayer, we have seen hardly anyone praying. Many people simply continue milling around the mall waiting for shops to open up again.

Afternoon Call to Prayer in Carrefour:



Arabic

We feel like there is so much we haven't done yet and so much Arabic we haven't learned yet, and then we remind ourselves that this is only our third day here. Today is Friday, so everything is closed. We took a walk and chatted with the hotel staff about useful Arabic phrases. We are already learning lots of food words. In the grocery store, some items have both languages, while others are only Arabic or only English. We can see already that it will be very worthwhile to learn Arabic, as many people speak very limited English. A good incentive for us to learn!



Food

We have really been enjoying the Middle Eastern food - lamb kebab, chicken, rice, flat bread, hummus, baklava, and juice. Saudis may not indulge in alcohol, but they do love their juices. Restaurants offer fresh-squeezed juice of all types - orange, mango, carrot, and avocado just to name a few - made on the spot and served to you.

This is the most amazing orange juicer. When you order a freshly-squeezed orange juice, they turn on the machine so that oranges slide into it and are sliced in half, then the machine proceeds to squeeze six halves at once. Where can I get one of these? Again, I felt silly taking the picture - but the employees just thought it was funny.


It's easy to have food delivered to our hotel.

Kebab - grilled lamb, chicken, and beef.

Hummus and flatbread. So much better than the hummus in the States!


Naturally we've been indulging in baklava... We haven't had baklava this good since Kyrgyzstan.

"Jet-Lag Josh" fell fast asleep mid-laptop-session. Our schedules have been horribly out of whack, with the added fun of the kids being on different schedules than ours!